I'll sleep when I'm Dead...

I'll sleep when I'm dead... my credo... my motto... my downfall

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The Hippie and the Nun - a love story...

Every day this hippie gets on the bus at his normal stop and sits directly behind the bus driver. He plays with his hackie sack and rides quietly to the downtown stop where he gets off and hangs with his other hippie friends. He never says anything…

One day a young nun gets on the bus and sits in the seat opposite the hippie. She bows her head and rides quietly as well. She then gets off at the stop just before the hippie. This occurrence repeats every day from this day forth.

Before long, the hippie starts to take notice of the nun. She was really quite pretty and very innocent looking. The hippie's fascination grew until it was obvious how much he admired her.

One day, as soon as the nun exits, the bus driver looks up in the rear view mirror and says, "Hey buddy, she's pretty cute huh?"

"Huh?" replies the hippie.

"That pretty little nun, she's cute huh? I've been noticing you watchin' her for a while."

"Yeah, she's pretty." The hippie just looked at his hackie sack.

"Why donchya talk to her then?" asked the bus driver.

"She wouldn't want to tal k to me," said the hippie as he got off at his stop.

The next day, the bus driver watched the hippie when he got on the bus. "Ask her out on a date today. Do it, seriously," he said as he looked up in the rear view.

"Honestly dude, it's not like I wanna go out for cheese and wine or anything. It's, I don't know, a little more 'carnal' than that if you know what I mean? She gets my motor running for some reason. Kinda weird huh? Must be the habit." The hippie must have been a little stoned that day.

The bus driver smiled and just nodded.

After the nun and come and gone, the bus driver turned around in his seat and looked at the hippie. "Buddy, here's what you do. You wanna get in her pants right?" The hippie nodded emphatically. "Every Friday night, that pretty little nun goes up to the cemetery on the hill and prays to the statue of Jesus on the cross for a few hours… if you were to go up there and come out all dressed up like Jesus…" The bus driver flipped the hippie's long dirty locks. "I betya she'd do just about anything…" The bus driver winked at the hippie.

The hippie didn't say anything. He just sat there and thought about the possibilities.

That Friday night, the hippie sat down his one-hitter and resolved to take the bus driver's advice. What did he have to lose? He got all Jesus'd up and headed for the cemetery on the hill.

When he got there, sure enough, the nun was kneeling in front of the statue. He took a deep breathe and walked out with his arms spread wide. He was dressed in ripped khakis and an old white tee, complete with his Birkenstocks and the hackie sack in his pocket. "Uh, hello my child. I am Jesus and I have been watching you for, um, quite some time now, my child," he said in a glorious fashion.

The nun looked up at the hippie and raised her hands to the sky, "Oh thank you Lord! My prayers have been answered! What would my savior wish of me? I am here to humbly serve in his name." She bowed at the hippie's sandals.

"Rise, uh, up, my child. I wish to pass along my good will through another messiah. I want you to have my baby." He grabbed her shoulders and raised her to her feet.

"A miracle baby? That is so wonderful. Am I pregnant? Is it another miracle conception?" she asked.

"No, only my father can, um, do it that way. Me, since I'm only Jesus, I have to do it old fashioned like. Missionary, [he chuckled] style. Get it?" The hippie brought the nun in for an embrace.

"This is wonderful! I am so excited," she gushed. Then she looked up at Jesus. "But that means I won't be a virgin anymore. Can we do it a different way so I could still be a virgin? Maybe anally?"

The hippie nearly shit a brick right there. "Hell yeah! Er, I mean, yes, my child. We can do that."

The nun simply turned around and lifted her skirt up. In the moonlight, the hippie knelt behind the nun and spent the next 20 minutes "taking care of business".

When they were done, they fell in a heap on the grass. The hippie waited a few moments and then turned to the nun, "I have a confession, my child. I'm not Jesus… I'm the hippie!"

The nun turned to the hippie and said, "I have a confession too!" She pulled her mask off and said, "Ha ha! I'm the bus driver!"

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