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I'll sleep when I'm dead... my credo... my motto... my downfall

Thursday, July 21, 2011

The Greatest Ringtone EVER

This was originally posted at Travis's blog, ApocalypseComing.com

GREATEST RINGTONE EVER

The other night, the topic of the greatest ringtones of all time came up. I have it. I have stories because of it.

A little background, I have an unhealthy obsession with people getting sick. Nothing sexual about it so don’t even go there. For me, the sound of someone wretching or gagging is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. Even if it’s me doing it. FYI, if you’re hanging your head over a toilet yakking up a bottle of wine or a six pack of PBR, I may help keep your hair out of the toilet, but I’ll likely be dying on the inside or, if shared the consumption, uncontrollably guffawing over your shoulder.

In 1999, Bloodhound Gang released Hooray for Boobies. On this disc was a song titled “Yummy Down on This” which included a 20 second clip of a mythical deep throated blowjob complete with gagging, wretching and chokes. For about a year, this was my ringtone. I am that fucking awesome.

Best story that goes with this occurred standing in line at the bank. I was busy explaining to the teller the requested denomination for my withdrawal when my phone started ringing. At this time, I was completely desensitized to the ring and just let it go. The middle aged woman in line behind me was not.

“Sir. Sir. Sir… can you please get your phone? Sir… sir.. gugh.. sir.. gggaghgh… sir.. could you.. ughgh… please get… rroorrrk.. phone?”

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my ringtone actually made her gag to the point where she got pissed and left the line because I was too busy laughing my ass off to answer the damn phone before it went to voicemail. I am that fucking awesome.

Enjoy.

2 comments:

  1. This is great. Getting a few ideas here.

    Maybe the sound of someone taking a long full-volume piss - as a ringtone? Think that would work? I do.

    ReplyDelete
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