I'll sleep when I'm Dead...

I'll sleep when I'm dead... my credo... my motto... my downfall

Friday, December 10, 2010

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer = Most offensive Holiday Special Ever


I watched "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" the other night with my two boys. It's a holiday tradition at my house. Every year, the film grows more and more disturbing. I don't know if it's just because I've seen it so many fucking times… It was made in 1964, but it may as well have been made in Berlin in 1940 as part of the Third Reich's propaganda campaign against the west…. that is until the last 5 minutes when everything is made wonderful again…

I suggest you watch it again, but consider the following.

1) Hermey is obviously a gay elf with an unhealthy oral fixation. He's kicked out because he makes the other elves nervous. Apparently they are all homophobes?

2) Rudolph is a metaphor for being black in 1960's America. He's the most athletic (first young reindeer able to fly?) and when Clarice takes a liking to him, what happens? His father comes over and says, "no Doe of mine is going to be seen with the likes of you"…

3) Yukon Cornelius is apparently a dead-beat dad running from child support payments or maybe even gambling debts? Whatever the reason, he's traveled all the way to the North Pole in search of silver and gold. Is it me or is an undertone of "bestiality" played out in the interaction between Yukon and Rudolph, Yukon and his dogs and Yukon and the Abominable Snowman?

4) The Abominable Snowman is political satire for how we cast out and feared the mentally handicapped in the 60s. Sad really.

5) Clarice was a doe-eyed doe with stripper eyelashes and a come-hither walk. Reindeer on the verge of the sexual revolution. Also, consider that her father was worried enough about appearances that he didn't want her seen with Rudolph but he could give a shit less when she wondered off into the blizzard with Rudolph's mom and was about to be eating by the retarded snow monster!

6) Donner, Rudolph's dad, showed such great shame at his son's deformity that he tried to cover it with black soot. Apparently, Rudolph's mom had been stepping out on Donner with another "red-nosed" woodland creature… oh the humanity! Also, when Santa tells Donner, "you should be ashamed! Too bad too, he had a nice liftoff" Donner just bows his head and walks off. No family pride? What a coward.

7) That brings us to Santa. What a bitch! He was a racist anorexic who hated non-conformists. When the elves practice their song, he acts as if his head is about to explode. Withdrawals possibly?

8) Mrs Claus was an enabler who possibly suffered from "Munchausen By Proxy" which would explain Santa's yo-yoing diet.

9) The Island of Misfit Toys was where all of the Bohemians were exiled to and King Moonracer was the Jack Kerouac of the North Pole.

10) The misfit toys themselves were portrayed as being drug-addled unintelligent toys. Why didn't Charlie just change his name? You can't sand those wheels down on the train or swap the jelly with water in the squirtgun? There wasn't anything wrong with Dollie either. I'm guessing she was a "fag-hag"? Not that there's anything wrong with that.

As messed up as all of this is, for a children's Christmas special, everything comes full circle and Rudolph is recognized as the savior, leading Santa around the world to save Christmas. Now that I think about it, maybe it's prophetic… Rudolph = Barack Obama?

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