Virginity: Give It Away, Give It Away, Give It Away Now

I lost my virginity at the tender age of 16 because the douchebag I was dating wouldn't stop hounding me so one night I finally yelled "Just fucking take it already!" Losing my virginity was nothing like it is in the movies. It was just some young guy humping away the last of my innocence and completely erasing it when he came and fell flat on my chest. Taking a woman's virginity seems to be something really special to men, okay not special, just something they can brag about to their friends. What about all the sexually experienced women who have taken a man's virginity? You don't hear a lot of those stories and that's why I'm sharing mine with you.

I was probably 20 at the time and my friend Nick called me up one afternoon and told me that he'd like for me to take his virginity. The thought of turning him down didn't even cross my mind because for years I had a crush on the guy. He was Italian, olive complected, pale ice blue eyes, tall with dark hair. I wanted him so bad. Naturally, I jumped at the chance to jump his bones. I was living with my friend Tony at the time and I was completely alone so I invited him over. When he finally got there we didn't waste any time on greeting one another. He came in, grabbed me and began slowly kissing me. We made our way to my bedroom, still kissing. He undressed me, laid me on the bed and undressed himself but not before pulling a condom out of his back pocket.

This is where the story goes awry.

He was hard as he opened the condom with his teeth and for some reason watching him tear into that packet as a vulture would the carrion of his latest victim, really excited me. He pulled the condom out, wait for it, and completely unraveled it. I'm sure the look on my face was that of a person watching an accident in slow motion. As he struggled with the condom, still hard may I add, I asked him if he had another. He said he did, grabbed it and gave it to me. I showed him how to use a condom properly that day. He crawls on top of me and began kissing me again, my excitement levels were at an all time high. I gasped a little as he entered me. He grabbed both of my shoulders from beneath me and began pumping like a Jack Rabbit on Crystal Meth. I felt as though we were fucking right atop the San Andreas Fault Line. He then began yelling "Do you feel it? Do you feel it? CAN YOU FEEL IT?" I'm not sure I said anything at all due to the fact that I was choking back laughter when I should've been choking back something else. A few seconds later he started yelling "I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna cum! Can you feel it, baby? Tell me you can feel it!" At that point I burst out laughing while screaming "I can feel it!" A few more pumps and he was done. He collapsed on my chest and as we lay there, breathing in unison I couldn't help but think "Are you fucking serious? Did that REALLY just happen?" I rolled him off of me, tossed him his clothes and told him I had a few things to do that afternoon so he'd have to leave. We smoked a cigarette, stared at each other and said our goodbyes.

That was the last time Nick and I ever spoke.

I suppose in a way we used each other. He wanted to lose his virginity and I wanted to take it. Every time I tell this story I laugh until I cry. It's one of my favorite stories to tell, complete with hand gestures and air humping. Maybe one day, if I meet any more of you I'll tell it in person.

I suppose to some people, virginity is a very serious issue but to me it will always be a laughing matter.