BREEDING DISCONTENT: English Motherfucker, Y U No Speak It?

Friday, July 22, 2011

English Motherfucker, Y U No Speak It?

A friend of mine called me this afternoon and asked if I'd like to come get a pedicure with her on her dime. Being the awesome friend that I am I told her I would love to get a pedicure with her. Being from a small town there are 3 places nearby to get your nails done. One being ran by Americans that costs a small fortune, one that you have to make an appointment a least a week in advance and the one we chose to go to. The service there isn't bad and I've been going there for years so they all know me by name. They all have their English names, Lisa, Tammy, and Dan. It's so cute to see them embrace American names so we don't have to learn to pronounce names like Pho-Shong and Tan-Mai-Ling.

I'm going to be honest, it's been a long time since anyone but me gave me a pedicure and by the look on Tammy's face when she saw my feet she thougt the same thing. She immediately began talking in Vietnamese and giggling to Lisa, which by my point of view meant that she was talking shit about me. Now Tammy can't speak any English or so they say but I know she speaks enough English to understand what I said to her next. I leaned in close to Tammy and I said "Listen honey, if you want make fun of people in Vietnamese you should do it on your own fucking time because at this very moment you're on my friend's. She's paying you to do this and I expect to give us respect while you're doing it. OK, doll?' I watched the disgust slowly spread across her face and as she went to say something in her native tongue I placed my index finger over my lips and quietly shushed her.

Tammy didn't say another word to me the entire time which was totally okay because I can never understand anything she says, mostly because it's never directed at me and it's always in Vietnamese. I know I'm not the only woman who has ever experienced this but I'm one of the few who will stand up and politely ask them to shut the fuck up. It's disrespectful and even if she weren't talking about (which obviously she was or I would've been kicked out for being a complete cunt) she have to common decency to speak English in front of her customers.

I'm just saying.
It's fucking rude.

V-Rex

4 comments:

FinallyHeSleepsJuly 23, 2011 at 2:21 AM
here here... well handled. Although I had to read it twice because I was picturing you putting your index finger on HER mouth which had me fucking rolling. What you did was probably much smarter.
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V-RexJuly 26, 2011 at 9:27 AM
Haha! I was afraid she'd bite me if I put my finger on her lip. My friend was so embarrassed by what I did but I laughed as I wrote it out because it makes me realize how comical my life really is
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AnonymousSeptember 28, 2011 at 9:48 AM
Reminds me of that Seinfeld episode, only Elaine didn't have the balls that you do and got someone in to translate. Who then proceded to bash her along with the other Vietnamese women.

TS
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Years ago (circa 1985), a group of friends made it a normal drinking game to sit around, discuss & make up disturbing sex terms... the "Angry Dragon", the "Cincinnati Taco Chop", the "Sunny Side Up", the "Donkey Punch", etc, etc. These disturbing and disgusting terms started to take on a life of their own. Then one day, while sitting at an Applebee's in Cincinnati, Ohio in the mid 1990's, they heard a table behind them mention a "Donkey Punch" and start laughing. What the fuck? A couple years later, one of the group heard a "Cleveland Steamer" mentioned at a frat party in Tennessee when he was visiting his girlfriend... What the fuck? The terms had somehow made their way out of our basement and into the world. Seven degrees of Kevin Bacon? Apparently.

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