Please tell me I'm adopted...

I need to tell this story…

My Dad can’t spell for shit. It’s always been a joke that without spell check, he’d be completely lost. There are, those precious rare occasions, when even spell check throws it’s hands in the air and goes, “what the fuck?”

———

me: “Hello.”

dad: “Hey, it’s your Dad. My PowerBook is broken.”

me: “What makes you think that?”

dad: “Spell check isn’t working.”

me: “Ok, explain.”

dad: “I’m typing in a simple word and it can’t find the god damn thing. It’s not even giving me choices.”

me: “What’s the word?… hold on, Ashley’s (my sister) beeping through”

dad: “Oh, okay.”

———-

me: “Hey, what’s up?”

my sister: “Dad’s gonna call you. Be ready.”

me: “He’s on the other line.”

my sister: “Has he told you yet?”

me: “Told me what?”

my sister: “Oh fuck. I’m not spoiling it. Jesus, I hope we’re adopted. Bye. Have fun.”

———-

me: “Dad?”

dad: “Yeah, she okay?”

me: “Yep. Question about Halloween. What word is spell checker choking on?”

dad: “Sub Jest.”

me: “Huh? Sub Jest? Like two words?”

dad: “No, suuuubbbbb jjjjeeeeeessssttttt. Why is this so damn hard?”

me: “Dad, I don’t know what word that is either. Can you use it in a sentence?”

dad: “Ok, I’ll try” ….. silence…. “Ok, why the fuck can’t this fucking mac spell sub jest?”

me: “Dad, calm down. That’s not a word.” (stifling laughter) “What sentence are you typing?”

dad: “It’s a note to your aunt. I want her to SUB JEST to your cousin that they come up the night before the party. Ugh, I hate computers.”

me: “Suggest Dad. The word is suggest.”

dad: “That’s what I said.”

me: “How’d you spell it?”

dad: “S. U. B. G. E. S. T.”

me: “I suggest you spell it S-U-G-G-E-S-T.”

dad: “I guess your sister was right then. Gotta go.”

me: “Bye Dad.”