Why is Prostitution illegal?

Someone needs to explain to me why prostitution is illegal. I mean, I understand that the letter of the law states that it IS illegal throughout the United States (parts of Nevada being the exception). The question is, "why?" The economy sucks ass and we really should look into this as a possible income for the states at the very least.

The textbook definition of prostitution is "the act or practice of engaging in sexual acts for money." That sounds a lot like "dating" to me. It all boils down to semantics. In fact, if you think about it, it's possibly more about property values than moral values.

If someone decides to stroll the shady back alleys looking for a good time, what happens if they approach the ladies of the night with the following line? "Yes, I'm looking for a date. I don't want to pay you for sex, but I'm willing to pay you for your time to sit and talk. Then after we get to know each other, if you decide I'm a nice guy and you would like to have casual sex, I would be willing to give it a shot. But I am ONLY paying you for your time to sit and talk." Just a thought.

Or, what if you videotape the sex? You can pay someone to star in a porn film without being arrested for prostitution, so what's the difference? I am sure this has more to do with licensing and zoning for filming. But there is definite gray area here. Can I get away with prostitution as long as I have a camera phone, a business card and I get the hooker to sign a waiver?

What if you approach an employee, with the following: "Whadya say we go to the utility closet and have some sex?" If you proceed to follow through on the deal, can you be arrested as the employer for paying your employee while you both engaged in a "sexual act"? Jesus, this is getting very bizarre. What if you're married to the employee? Or just dating? It's all very subjective.

Last scenario. You go to a massage parlor. A reputable massage parlor. You tell the therapist that you have a lot of stress in your groin muscle and it needs to be worked out. She (or he) proceeds with a deep tissue massage on your nether regions. One of the side-effects of this type of massage is an expulsion of "stress", built up in the form of ejaculate. A necessary evil in relieving the stress and pressure in this region of the body. Which, I might add, can very easily be argued as directly relieving pressure causing you stress and pain. Which is why you went to the massage parlor in the first place! Is this a sexual act or an alternative medical procedure? You decide.

When any man asks a woman to dinner, he's hoping for sex. Ugly I know, but it's nearly the truth. Many women feel obligated to satisfy their date's sexual needs to some extent after a good time and an expensive dinner. Ugly, I know, but it's nearly the truth. This might be a kiss goodnight, a little heavy petting or even a blow job... Is this prostitution? Aren't we trying to pay our dates in the form of surf 'n' turf and a movie for some after hours nookie? Semantics.

I think most liberal minded people aren't that bothered by legal prostitution in Nevada, or the production of porn in California... because they don't live in Vegas or the San Fernando Valley. I believe people are more worried about prostitution disturbing their property value than the moral implications. If people are allowed to stroll the corners near your home or your child's school, that's gonna cause a shit storm, but what about designated areas miles away from residences? Regulated by the state, receiving a fair tax on the deal and highly maintained and overseen for the transmission of sexual diseases and it could be very profitable. C'mon Obama, forget about the assholes in Detroit and let's focus on making hooking legal, for the economy's sake... "Yes, we can".

Now that I have you thinking, what exactly is a "sexual act"? The law defines a "sexual act" as "contact between the penis and the vulva or the penis and the anus, and for purposes of the subparagraph contact involving the penis occurs upon penetration, however slight; contact between the mouth and the penis, the mouth and the vulva, or the mouth and the anus; or the penetration, however slight, of the anal or genital opening of another by a hand or finger or by any object, with an intent to abuse, humiliate, harass, degrade, or arouse or gratify the sexual desire of any person."

Let's break down the definition a little farther. "Money" is defined as "any article, substance or circulating medium of exchange, measure of wealth, or means of payment, including but not limited to, coins, paper money or demand deposits such as checks."

Taking the above definitions into consideration, we can now redefine Prostitution as follows:

Prostitution - The act or practice of engaging in contact between the penis and the vulva or the penis and the anus, and for purposes of the subparagraph contact involving the penis occurs upon penetration, however slight; contact between the mouth and the penis, the mouth and the vulva, or the mouth and the anus; or the penetration, however slight, of the anal or genital opening of another by a hand or finger or by any object, with an intent to abuse, humiliate, harass, degrade, or arouse or gratify the sexual desire of any person for any article, substance or circulating medium of exchange, measure of wealth, or means of payment, including but not limited to, coins, paper money or demand deposits such as checks.

Holy shit. Breaking that down, I think I can get away with a 'rub and a tug'? Or at least argue my way out of trouble, right? Well, that's another adventure in and of itself. Ok, I'm off to Craigslist to start my search for a willing massage therapist with a strong grip and an objectionable set of scruples...

I'll keep you posted.